where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
