Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
