How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
