whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
