She is in my trunk
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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