before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
no you cant smoke seaweed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize