So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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