if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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