Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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