Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
