Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
