1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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