I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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