Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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