he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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