Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
