Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
