Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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