38 yer olds are good kisserssss
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
