the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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