2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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