i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
