My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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