Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
