so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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