Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
