but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
