He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
