I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
