I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
