just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
