she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
