I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
