She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
