Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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