I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
