____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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