2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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