Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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