...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
