I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
