It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize