I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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