I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
