If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
