U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
