drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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