4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize