I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
