May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
mondays should just be called national damage control day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
