We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
