The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
