im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
50% drunk capacity currently
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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