DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
