After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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