How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
