My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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