Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
