We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
