I'm so fucking centered right now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
