I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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