Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
