That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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