Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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