pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
