And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
