so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
