You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
