I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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