My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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