I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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