I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize