I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
