did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
