u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
two words: eviction party
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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