I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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