quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
