it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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