Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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