remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I died a long time ago.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
