I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
