My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
