...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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