fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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