My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
