Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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