Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
