That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
