Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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