last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize