I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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