The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
