you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
