Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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