i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
