yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize