do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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