I think im going to throw up on grandma
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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