I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Drake has all the answers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
