maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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