Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
