When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
