I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
