4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
